Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
