somebody snuck up and got me drunk
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
