yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
