fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
