before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
