Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
