I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
