Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
