oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
