dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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