At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
