he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
