Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
