yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
