the condom got lost in my hair
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize