He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
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I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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