just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My vagina is officially offended.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
