grandma shit on top of the toilet
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
