We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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