I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
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