So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
