Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
