Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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