I am in a vortex of obligation.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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