i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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