oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
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I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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