Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
