you guys were way drunker than both of me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
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In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Im part way to drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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