new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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