I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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