I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
