Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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