Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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