My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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