Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
