Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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