I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize