i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
