If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
