She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
