Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
