A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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