chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
