Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
