All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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