Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
