A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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