he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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