You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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