If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
