everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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