Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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