Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
