dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
