At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
