in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
