every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
