Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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