Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
