I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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