There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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