Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
