I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
They took my balls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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