You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
