Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
