Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
