If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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