your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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