OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
