So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
