Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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