Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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