I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
