It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
