Ambien. No doubt about it.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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