On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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